I have been a Mother for two decades and counting now. For the first fourteen years, I dedicated my entire existence to the role of Motherhood. I worked full-time and put every dime I earned to providing my children’s wants and needs.

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I lived, ate, slept, and breathed my children: my whole life was focused solely on them. I never went anywhere. I never did anything. Rarely ever did I purchase anything for myself. Every day was the same: I worked during the day, and took care of their every whim at night. For years, I only had one goal in mind: to do everything that I could to make sure that my children were well taken care of and happy.

Motherhood and Reinvention

When I became a victim of the recession, only then that I discovered how ‘selfless’ my life was. I had spent so much time focusing on Motherhood that I became lost in it. I never took time to examine or explore who I was or what I wanted in life. It was always all about them.

Motherhood and Reinvention

So I decided in that moment that it was time to reinvent myself (or maybe it wasn’t my decision, but the decision of all of the books, songs, motivational speakers, etc. monopolizing on the then-state of the economy). I took some time, did lots of soul-searching, and wrote out a plan. In my mind, It was my time to live for me for a change, and I was ready.

Motherhood and Reinvention

I started off by returning to school. Things went okay at first, but then right towards the end of my degree program, all hell broke loose. My final paper for my last class was delayed being turned in by days due to a bizarre life event that came out of the blue. Then my financial aid package got screwed up. The result? I had to repeat the entire class, delaying the graduation that I had waited years for.

Motherhood and Reinvention

I was crushed, but I picked myself up and journeyed on, completing the second time around without a glitch. But what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life turned out to be the saddest, as my Husband (somehow) unknowingly left his car keys in my car, and I whisked off to the auditorium on the afternoon of the ceremony. That left me all alone. My dreams of my family being there to congratulate me and cheer me on shattered. My vision of my children seeing that you can achieve great things if you don’t give up, gone. I cried far more than I smiled that day.

Motherhood and Reinvention

But I still kept going. The next thing was to decide what I wanted to do—what I really wanted to do—with my life. I’ve always had a true love for writing as early as I can remember, and through a wave of some other unfortunate events, I was introduced to the world of Blogging.

Motherhood and Reinvention

Bam. That was it! I decided I would start my own website.

Motherhood and Reinvention

Fast-forward two-plus years, and my blogging journey is nothing like I thought it would be. I find myself scrambling to keep up with everything. Every single time I get on a great roll and things are (I think) starting to look up, some disastrous event happens in my personal life to knock me right back to where I started—or even below that. It’s a constant cycle. I miss opportunities. My stats and community engagement are low. I’m overlooked and disregarded-even by peers. I don’t have the support of my family or friends. Everyone wants me to work with them and for them for free. What’s worse, my family’s needs and demands of me have grown tremendously over time, and as a result I’m spinning my wheels constantly day in and day out. Because my drive and passion for successfully balancing both what my family wants me to do and what I want to do is so great, I won’t allow myself to stop. I feel like if I stop—even to take a small break in the day—then I’ve failed.

Motherhood and Reinvention

But what if that’s not the case?

Motherhood and Reinvention

Maybe—just maybe—it could be that this whole ‘reinvention thing’ is just not meant to be for me.

Motherhood and Reinvention

Could it be that all of these bad things that keep happening are a sign that I should just ‘stick to the stuff that I know?’ Should I just give up the idea of trying to ‘have it all’ and go back to the days of taking care of my kids day and night instead? As much as I love what I do, Should I leave the idea of reinventing myself behind?

Motherhood and Reinvention 

My current answer: I don’t know.

Motherhood and Reinvention 

Maybe some more soul searching is in order. I’m not saying that Moms reinventing themselves is impossible—I’ve seen tons of Moms do it and be very successful at it. But just because it’s possible doesn’t mean that it’s for everyone.

 Motherhood and Reinvention

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Are you a Mom who struggles with reinventing yourself? Share with me below or tell me about it at: melisasource@yahoo.com.

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I am proud to be a part of the 2014 #NakedMoms Blogging series, where Moms from across the country reveal their discovered truths about Motherhood. You can read more stories for this month by clicking on the titles below:

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To Be a Better Mom You Have to Give Up by Steph at Confessions of A Stay-At-Home Mom

A Mother On The Cusp On Reinvention by Thien-Kim at I’m Not The Nanny

Giving Up On Perfect Single Motherhood by Laila at Only Laila

The Time I Almost Gave Up on Motherhood by Vaneese at Mommy Works A Lot

Let’s Reinvent The Term ‘Working Mother  by Joyce at Mommy Talk Show

To Let Go and Let God by Jacquie at The Sweeter Side of Mommyhood

I Didn’t Want to be a Mom by Summer at The Dirty Floor Diaries

Mothering While Introverted by Diamonte at Liberated Mommy

After Motherhood, Any Other Reinvention Is No Big Deal by Jessica at A Parent in America

Motherhood: I Give Up by Stephanie at When Crazy Meets Exhaustion

Reinventing The Feel by Brandi at Mama Knows It All

Giving Up And Getting Down by Heather at Diary of A First Time Mom

Motherhood and Reinvention