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After All This Time, I’m Giving Up In Motherhood


In a few days I will be celebrating a huge milestone: 20 years as a Mom.


That’s twenty (2-0) years.




I cannot even believe it myself. I feel completely blown away every time I think about it! I also feel that it has been the longest twenty years EVER.




I have learned a great deal in my journey as a Mom. There have been plenty of ups and downs; highs and lows. Many women at first (and even second and third) glance assume that I am much too young to have been a parent for two decades, so it is on very rare occasion that I am solicited for advice on Motherhood. However, that doesn’t stop me from freely giving my 2 cents on the subject wherever I go. 😉

If I were asked what one single piece of advice I would give to Moms, it would be this: learn to give up in the things with your child(ren) that you cannot control.

Giving Up In Motherhood

Now, the word “things” can cover plenty of areas. It can be the days when at age 4, they decide that they want to take their favorite character toy with them everywhere they go. Or at age 13, when they decide to be friends with a classmate that seems to be a bad influence. Or at age 22, when they announce to you that they’ve changed college majors for the fifth time. Or even at age 35, when it is revealed through another family member that the child has divorced their spouse, quit their job, and sold their home to “go out into the world to find themselves.”

Giving Up In Motherhood

In the above situations, the only way to keep peace and retain sanity as a Mom is to give up the idea of convincing them to change their minds on what they want to do. It must be kept in mind that just because we’re Mom, doesn’t mean that we will always get our way when it comes to our children’s lives.



I know. It’s a very tough concept to grasp. I’ve been there.

Giving Up In Motherhood

Here’s what happens: at birth, we Moms lay eyes on our child for the first time, and while we are falling in ‘Motherhood Love’, we begin to envision what their life will be like. How we will dress them, the friends they’ll make, and the careers and families they’ll have. Once our ideas are locked in, every moment from there is tirelessly spent on trying to ensure that those ideas come to pass.

Giving Up In Motherhood

But we forget something: it’s not our life to live – it’s theirs.

Giving Up In Motherhood

In my soon-to-be twenty years of Motherhood, I have (finally) discovered that true, children may make some crazy and questionable decisions as they grow older, but the only way that they will learn is if they live their own life through their own eyes. They certainly cannot do that if we as Moms are trying to live their lives for them, or make them do things our way.

Giving Up In Motherhood

Giving up in enforcing our ideas for our children’s lives can be a really tough thing to do, but when we understand that ultimately their lives, choices, and decisions are not ours to control and allow them some space, we may just discover that their visions for their own lives are not so bad after all.



I am proud to be a part of the 2014 #NakedMoms Blogging series, where Moms from across the country reveal their discovered truths about Motherhood. You can read more stories from January by clicking on the titles below:


To Be a Better Mom You Have to Give Up by Steph at Confessions of A Stay-At-Home Mom

I Am A Recovering Perfectionist by Thien-Kim at I’m Not The Nanny

Giving Up On Perfect Single Motherhood by Laila at Only Laila

The Time I Almost Gave Up on Motherhood by Vaneese at Mommy Works A Lot

Motherhood: The Sacrifices No One Tells You About, But You Need to Know  by Joyce at Mommy Talk Show

To Let Go and Let God by Jacquie at The Sweeter Side of Mommyhood

I Didn’t Want to be a Mom by Summer at The Dirty Floor Diaries

Mothering While Introverted by Diamonte at Liberated Mommy

Motherhood is About Giving Up by Jessica at A Parent in America

Motherhood: I Give Up by Stephanie at When Crazy Meets Exhaustion

Giving Up Supposed To Be by Brandi at Mama Knows It All

Giving Up And Getting Down by Heather at Diary of A First Time Mom

Giving Up In Motherhood

Wife. Mom. Believer. Writer. Advocate.

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Love this. And yes, you definitely don’t look like you’ve been in the game 20 years, but when you write, there’s some wisdom you put out there. We have to just do our part and let go. Thanks for sharing.


It’s not our lives, it’s theirs. GIRL! That really hit a nerve. But it’s so true. So very, very true. Thank you for pouring your heart out here, and helping to give me a different perspective on how I might need to move forward in my motherhood journey.


[…] celebration of the bond between mother and daughter shines a light on Black motherhood in a way that is both familiar and […]

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